If you asked any Gen Z kid what they thought the biggest topic of interest in the media is, whether they like it or not, it would likely fall underneath a category of gender and sexuality.
In the United States, I've observed that femininity is characterized by a love of beauty, creation/constructiveness, sensitivity, and cooperation. On the other hand, masculinity is characterized by success, strength, assertiveness, stubbornness, and protectiveness.
"Okay, cool. But how does this translate into the family?"
I'll explain. As children, boys are often encouraged to like "boyish" things. Trucks, race cars, climbing trees, rough-housing, getting their hands dirty, building things and then breaking them, etc. When a boy deviates from these things as a child- maybe he prefers to build things and not break it afterward, maybe he likes to dance, or maybe he'd rather play tennis than football- he is often ridiculed and looked at as a "sissy", or too sensitive, or feminine. This is really confusing for a little boy. He is constantly told that he cannot like the things that he likes because they're too girly. This then sparks the question: "am I supposed to be a girl"?
However, when a girl likes to do more boyish things- she'd rather play with action figures instead of Barbies or she likes to play in mud rather than playing dress-up- she's looked at as a "tomboy". This kind of behavior is sometimes encouraged in young girls. It characterizes them as adventurous or bold.
So, if a woman can be masculine without being characterized or labeled as a man or a lesbian, why must a man who portrays some feminine qualities be characterized/labeled as a woman or gay? Let me expound upon this concept with a story.
A father comes home one day and sees his son playing with his sister's barbies. The father is disgusted by this and takes the dolls away from his son. "These are for girls only," he says, and then walks into the other room. A couple days later, the father once again sees his son playing with the dolls. He takes the barbie out of his son's hand and pulls off the head in frustration. "I TOLD YOU, THESE ARE FOR GIRLS." His son just stares at him in horror. "They aren't just for girls, daddy," his son says defensively. "They're just people. Like my spiderman one." The father ignores this comment and walks into the other room, and decides to call his friend (a family counselor).
"Hey Dave, I have a problem."
"Tell me about it," the father's friend, Dave, says.
"My son keeps playing with his sister's dolls. He shouldn't be doing girly stuff like that, right?! How do I get him to stop?"
Dave took a moment before answering.
"Does he have any action figures?" Dave asked.
"Uh, yeah. What has that got to do with it?"
"To someone so young as your son, his sister's dolls and his action figures are the exact same thing."
"Okay. But still, won't he just become girly if he continues to play with female dolls??"
"Only if you tell him that it's girly," Dave retorted.
"I'm not really understanding what you're getting at here," says the father.
"Here's what you're going to do. You are going to play with dolls with your son, and you are going to be Barbie."
"WHAT? Why would I do that??"
"Because, if you're Barbie, then he gets to play as Ken, therefore no longer playing with the female dolls you so ardently hate. You also show him that you- his big masculine macho dad- can also play with dolls without being girly."
Essentially, what I'm getting at is that when raising your children, you need to allow them to like the things they like, even if it isn't gender-typical. Just because your son likes ballet does not mean that he is gay. Just because your daughter likes to play with race cars does not mean that she is a lesbian. Let your child's interests co-exist peacefully with their gender, and do not give them labels according to their interests. If you label your child or their interests as too feminine or too masculine, all it will do is confuse your children about who they are.
So, the next time you see a child, or an adult, who's gender and sex are aligned, who partakes in gender-atypical activities, appreciate the fact that they are able to do something that tends to be a little more feminine or a little more masculine without questioning their gender identity, and simply do not throw a label at them because of their interests.
Comments
Post a Comment