The importance of healthy and marital sexual intimacy is too often overlooked by today's society. Along with those who have fidelity and union between a husband and wife, we have cheaters and swingers. Along with those who are "waiting until marriage" we have cohabitation, one night stands, and hookups. There are so many outside voices and sources that portray sex as nothing more than physical pleasure to be had anywhere, anytime, and with anyone. However, sexual intimacy is much more sacred and special and should be treated as such.
First and foremost, sexual intimacy is any intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another person's body, with or without clothing. This act should only be done between a man and woman joined within the bonds of marriage - sexual intimacy, especially coitus (PVI), enforces, or should enforce, a stronger union between husband and wife. It is one of the greatest expressions of love, trust, and fidelity. The home of a husband and wife who healthily engage in sexual intimacy is the ideal setting for bringing a child into the world, as it encourages good communication, trust, and wholehearted love. If a child is brought into a home where sexual intimacy is undergone in an unhealthy way, abuse, infidelity, and a hollow sort of family love could occur due to feelings of unwantedness or insecurity.
Wait, there's a healthy and an unhealthy way to engage in sexual intimacy in marriage? Yes! Laura M. Brotherson explains, in her article Raising the Bar on Intimate Relationships, that healthy sexual intimacy has the following: embracement of your partner's body, affection outside of lovemaking, agency as to when and how and if to have sex, healthy boundaries and respect, focus on your partner and your connection with them rather than focus on just the sex itself, informed and educated sex, emotional and mental presence in the moment, mutual effort, and a mutual balance of desire (doing both what you and your partner wants during sex). Laura then explains that unhealthy sexual intimacy often abides by the following characteristics: discomfort/dissatisfaction with your partner's body, non-sexual affection is used only as a precursor to sex, entitled sex (we're married, therefore I should get sex whenever I want it), disrespect and impulse gratification (forcing and/or expecting your partner to do everything that you want during sex with disregard for what they want), performance-based rather than connection-based, emotional and mental detachment, one-sided effort, and simply physical.
Elder Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, gave a talk called Making the Right Choices. In this talk, he does an excellent job in explaining the importance of waiting until marriage to engage in sexual intimacy, and the dangers of not doing so. “With marriage they commit the best of themselves to be absolutely loyal to each other and to invite children to be nurtured and taught… Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set… Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration of each other, and common purpose.” To sum up the aforementioned quote, Elder Scott is saying that sexual intimacy between a man and woman joined in marriage is beautiful and sacred. It creates a connection and a common purpose - to love and care for each other and those whom they bring into this world. When sexual intimacy is had outside of the bonds of marriage “...cause serious emotional and spiritual harm. Even though participants do not realize that is happening now, they will later… Powerful habits are formed which are difficult to break. Mental and emotional scars result.” When sexual intimacy is undergone by two people who are not married, there are many risks. There is a risk of medical issues such as STDs or unplanned/unwanted pregnancies, emotional and mental scarring/distortion, and sexual abuse.
Sexual intimacy, like I said, is a sacred act that, when done within the bonds of marriage, is done in love, care, and respect between partners. It creates a special connection.
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