The First Month and Year of Marriage

 

PSA: I am not married. This information was gathered from my married peers, and from my Family Relations professor who is also a marriage counselor.

    I don't know how well people understand that marriage is more than just living with the same person for what will hopefully be the rest of your life. Its eating, sleeping, communicating, passing gas, laughing, crying, getting sick, relaxing, negotiating, etc. all with the same person for the rest of your life. Typically, in the beginning of a relationship, and sometimes even far into one, a person will only let their boyfriend/girlfriend see what they want them to see. The smiles, cute outfits, selflessness, and happy days. While this may make a romantic relationship easy to navigate, with very little discomfort and disagreement, it eventually will lead to a very rude awakening the second something takes an unexpected turn. While courting someone (steady dating) it is incredibly important that you come to know your partner very very well, especially if engagement and marriage are in scope. Disagreement is more likely to be prevalent in a relationship where communication about personal needs, wants, and preferences is neglected. 

    "What can I do to make sure that I know my partner well enough before we get married?"

    That's a great question! Here are some topics couples should discuss before getting married - discussing these things can prevent a plethora of arguments and rude awakenings within the first year of marriage.

• Sleeping Habits- Do you prefer a cold or hot room? Are you okay with cuddling while you sleep? Do you snore? When do you wake up/fall asleep?

• Eating Habits- What kind of meals do you eat? Who do you expect to make dinners? Who does the dishes and when? How often do you eat? How healthy do you want your diets to be? How often will you eat together? 
• Cleanliness and Organization- How clean do you prefer your living space to be? How organized are you? How often do you clean your home? What type of organization do you expect to have in your home?
• Parenting: How do you intend to parent your children? How many children do you hope to have? What kind of atmosphere did you have in your home growing up- what do you want to keep/change about your childhood life inside your own home?
• Affection: How often do you want to have sex once you are married? When will you be ready to have children? How much affection are you expecting once you are married? When is it not appropriate to be affectionate?
• Prayer/Scripture Study/Church and Temple Attendance- How often? Where are you spiritually? Where do you want to be spiritually? Are the both of you on the same page in terms of testimony and faith?
• Finances- Budget? Who manages them? Who brings in income? 
• Scheduling- What time of day do you two want to make sure you have together? When do you go to bed? When do you wake up? How often will you go on dates? What hobbies do you have that will take up time? 
• Health and Fitness- How often will you work out? Will you work out together? How healthy will your meals be? Do you want to meal prep?

    There are a plethora of other things that one could find necessary to discuss, but the above are really good for getting the conversation going. It is important to know your partner and their habits well. There is a copious amount of adjustments that need to be made once to people become joined in marriage. Discussing your lifestyle will help both you and your spouse better understand each other and better adjust and prepare for living with each other. :)